We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
