i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
