oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize