hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Screwed.edu
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
