The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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