Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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