When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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