I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
