I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How naked do you want me to be?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
