Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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