I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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