i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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