I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
