FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize