11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
