Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
