I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
