I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
