Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
