i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
