he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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