I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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