We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
