idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
