I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
