i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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