Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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