just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
