What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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