just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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