Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
