dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
No subtext here. People are naked.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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