I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
