if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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