no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
