Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
