remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
