I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
only if we run a train.
done.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize