How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
