All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
