who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
