just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
