Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you would pick up someone in the library
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
