so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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