Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
