I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think my vagina is haunted
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
