just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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