How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
