I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
