sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
