That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
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