I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just high enough for therapy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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