im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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