Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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