i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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