And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
