Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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