Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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