i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
