My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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