I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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