why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
