so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
